Hello from NYC! This is Coop, writing this years’ recap. To drive readership, I’m investing in: 1) rapid letter deployment, 2) snappy phraseology and total hashtag fluency #ohyeahthatsright #whywritewhenyoucanhashtag, 3) a one-time sweet prize to the first verified reader #whatcoulditbe? #jakeschatzwillnotwin.
Believing that disasters make for strong memories, our parents moved us to NYC for four months with the idea that “Life is too good. We should do something to mess it up.” Their original plan was to shoe-horn all 6 of us into an 800 square foot 3-bedroom, 1-bath, 1-closet apartment downtown. We would begin to appreciate the challenges of urban living and, by implication, our sweet deal in California. (I think they imagined us saying thank you all the time on our return because we would no longer have to sleep head-to-toe or sign-up to take a shower). That place fell through though. So we landed instead in our friend’s spacious home where everyone gets comfy queen beds. Do we have new appreciation for our old life? In a way. We made a punch list of needed enhancements to our home in Lafayette. #ridiculousfail #betterlucknexttime
We live near Dylan’s Candy Bar, a sweet, sweet Mecca that we hit 2-3 times a week (more if guests visit). On the walk to Dylan’s, you notice several things: (1) well-coiffed ladies holding tiny dogs, (2) people on the street smiling at you (just kidding; that never happens in NYC) and (3) the ‘80s are back! Otherwise normal-looking people wear bell-bottoms, INXS is blasting in Soul Cycle, and new/old haircuts are walking the streets. Inspired by a Mr. T look-alike in Times Square, I got a faux-hawk which didn’t work out great #nevercutyourhairwithdadsrazor.
Devon and I go to the Little Red Schoolhouse in Greenwich Village while Téa Sloane is home-schooled. Now, it doesn’t matter why, but Téa has foregone new friends in favor of creating innovative duck tape products in her free time. Her passion for adhesive handcrafts is now a cash-flowing business. She’s intent to prove that duck tape is the perfect material, as soy is the perfect food. With my design help and Devon’s web skills, we launched ducktapedesign.com (bitcoin accepted, BTW). TSloane and I decided Devon should get 17% of the business as we’re the ones cranking out wallets, and think we don’t need the website, nor an ecommerce channel. These things will sell themselves! In a surprising move, Devon accepted our terms in exchange for 90% of the online net revenue, payable in convertible preferred stock (he urges you to shop online this holiday season). In other big news, we hired an intern named AJ. He currently heads up a sales group at Facebook, but we lured him to interview with the promise of Dylan’s candy. Before interviewing him, I took off my shirt which I believe is an effective power move. I seek to cultivate a reputation for authenticity and transparency. There is really nothing that says ‘I am authentic’ like being mostly naked during an interview. If you’re intreigued, we’re still reviewing CV’s for unpaid internships certain to be rich in experience and further opportunities to see me bare-chested: ducktapedesign.com/howyoudoin’.
While in NY, Devon has taken raising one eyebrow a lot and doing impressions. He does a mean Andy Smith looking exasperated. Two trips stand out during Devon’s NYC stint. First, a trip to the MIT Media Lab. When our friend Sep invited Dev to visit, my dad’s ears perked up and he “offered” to “come along” because “Devon should have adult representation” on the trip. As you know, my dad is kind and selfless, particularly given how much he hates both technology and 5 hour train rides where no one is going about “feelings.” The second was a school trip to the Catskills where Dev forged a coal-poker for the fireplace and I made heart for my mom to place hot dishes on. (perfect because although she doesn’t cook she often burns flat surfaces, so now she can feel loved and the counter can be protected at the same time). However, during the night, a thunderstorm dumped on us (which reminds us all to NEVER GO CAMPING). I didn’t notice, but Dev did and commented that we should NEVER GO CAMPING. Because of memory decay, we don’t remember this experience perfectly, but think it is safe to say that camping has some downsides.
In terms of updates for parents, my dad (who grew up in NJ so was existentially appalled that we are so 100% Californian as to be unfamiliar with the concept of seasons, and that Its Not Always Shorts Weather) has taken home automation to a whole new level. He continues (a) his love for homes that operate without anyone touching anything; and (b) avoiding all conversations that involve feelings. He has a working hypothesis that by sharing online articles about feelings that other people have, he can dramatically compress the time otherwise consumed inefficiently by discussing them. This philosophy is best illustrated in bar chart form (see Appendix. For more, visit grinks.com.)
My mom’s hosted a few dinners here in NY. She defines cooking as “eating food off of plates we own ourselves,” so we’re not all on the same page as to what these “dinners” actually consist of. #atleastshehasasweethotdishholder #snackdinners. Another highlight was my mom donning a gold sequined dress on her way to a ‘gala’ held in honor of a friend. At the gala, she learned two things. First, when women accustomed to formal events pose for the camera, they do so with their fingers hooked on their hip bone because they are so skinny they have nowhere else to put their finger. For those who can’t locate their hip bone (#notsayin’thisismymom), it also works to just aim your finger in the general hip area (#againthisisintheory). Second, you learn that being in an entourage is great; the paparazzi frantically snap pictures of you as you walk/float down the red carpet where the chances that you will trip are remote (#exceptformymom). You also learn to smile and wave like the queen. But the paparazzi aren’t dumb and the second they find out that you’re a nobody, they bee-line to someone who is someone. This makes you a tiny bit sad, but you are also proud you naturally took to the whole finger-on-hip-bone habit (#okthisismymom).
Wishing you spacious beds, Dylan’s candy, and ducktape forever.
Love – Cooper the NYC Hoopster