Happy Holidays!
Hello! It’s Téa Sloane, penning (actually typing) for the three kids. And Devon’s here rocking the flow chart.
Mailing a Letter, Startup Style
To start, you deserve to know how I sent all these holiday cards: by myself. I began by efficiently stamping the envelopes, only to later learn that the
USPS demands right-sided placement. That’s cool. Because it gave us an opportunity to bond over a ‘family project’ – tearing off the stamps from innovative parts of the envelope and re-affixing them with tape on a single unimaginative right hand corner. Fueled with confidence, ambition and what felt like little fireballs of energy, I proceeded to seal all the envelopes, a move that proved to be premature because the letter wasn’t in them. That’s cool. Because then we, as a family, could unseal every single envelope with patience and delicacy. Cooper tried to speed up the application of return address labels with a mass-production approach that ultimately proved to be an unfortunate decision. On average, each envelope has 2.5 rips, and as a batch, required 6 rolls of tape.
NBA Nuance
A recap on the family. First, let’s start with LeBron James, I mean Cooper. Cooper and LeBron James are soul mates. LeBron doesn’t know this, but Cooper does and that understanding infiltrates day-to-day life. A top priority is to defend LeBron, which undoubtedly contributes to LeBron’s strong game. To illustrate: no one within earshot can say a positive thing about LeBron’s nemesis, Kobe Bryant, without unleashing a torrent of vitriolic disbelief and outrage sufficient to bring self-doubt to Kobe himself. When not thinking about what LeBron would do or think (e.g., ”Would LeBron go to bed this early, or for that matter, ever?” “When do you think LeBron got an iPhone®), Cooper practices dance moves which range from Gangnam Style (강남스타일), a whole-body performance, to the “Dougie” which includes such signature confidence-exuding moves as wiping his hand through imagined stylish hair. Cooper just returned from New York where he and Mom ran ‘meetings’ which involved consuming chocolate truffles and receiving free NBA jerseys.
The Future Will Be Invented
Devon, wise beyond his years, remains transfixed by machines, computers, apps, and heroic geeks like Mark Zuckerberg. Eskimos have their multitude of words for snow; Devon has hoodies that he believes are appropriate for multitudes of occasions including formal events. When tired, he reports that his brain is ‘on sleep’ (ready to rejuvenate, when people actually need him, but conserving power in the meantime). When his brain ‘wakes up’, it does not think linearly but in branching decision trees (flip page for an example). Devon begins most conversations with: “For some reason….” — as it captures surprise, disavowal of responsibility and a genuine expression of curiosity. An example: “For some reason, the toilet is overflowing!” or “For some reason, my shirt‘s dirty!” This summer, he enjoyed creating a presentation on the things in life that are ‘sucky’ (friends at IDEO say that’s a word), and has plans to patent a t-shirt that repels liquids and mosquitos. At the same time.
GTD
Me? I work in my office (pictured), and get stuff done. A typical morning begins at 6:15AM when I leap out of bed to get cracking organizing things around the house into one of three categories: (a) things that clearly belong to me (e.g., flowers, objects that are shiny, sparkly or both) (b) things that should belong to me (e.g., candy, cozy-looking things) and (c) things that belong to other people (rocks with no character, garbage, anything pink). Next, I plan things. I find planning to be appealing because when you plan, you can enjoy things before they happen. You don’t have to wait for everyone else who isn’t moving as fast. And you can know how things are going to turn out. Which is awesome. Also, planning lets you fit more things into the day. For example, you can vacuum before playdates. And after. Both times. Sweet. Once I finish planning and organizing, I write it all down. I create lists. That is what I do. I am a list-creator. Many wonder where I got my energy. Some believe it was from my mom who listened to a great deal of Beastie Boys while I was in the womb. Alternative hypotheses: Driving NASCAR in a prior life or I secretly consume or naturally synthesize caffeine. Doesn’t matter; let’s move on.
Dad
Among other work endeavors (vonavona.com, pointoption.com, dragonflyeffect.com), he has begun spending time at San Quentin (just visiting) where he advises prisoners on how to become entrepreneurs. He is very popular there. Which is great for him because at home his polls are declining. Voters find him overly stringent around ‘balanced meals.’ He recently made Coop try one of his Shakeology drinks during what Coop recalls as ‘a break in my sanity.’ His relentless focus on hard labor (e.g., teeth brushed, dishes in dishwasher, lights off) makes home seem like Stalag 13 without the laugh track. To boost his standing, we’ve urged him to consider new key planks: (1) ease up on chores, as he and Mom can do that stuff, (2) drop the irrational need to force vegetables into dinner; (3) iPhones®. iPhones for everyone. For God’s sake why don’t I have an iPhone? Some people in this house are 10!
Mom
She still cooks poorly (she recently attempted popcorn, which lead to the microwave blowing up), and that still doesn’t seem to phase her. She has taken to keeping a list of ‘important’ conversations to have, with her at all times, possibly written on the inside of her eyelids. Her favorites: (1) “How are you feeling, really? I mean really, really feeling?” (2) “What makes you happy? I mean really happy?” and (3) “What stories do you envision living in your future? Yes, I know that you are unable to see the future.” Conversations that we would like to have include (1) “Let me explain how the TV works” (Devon), (2) “Here’s what are we going to do today.” (Téa Sloane), and (3) “The Knicks have the oldest person in the NBA: Kurt Thomas. He is 40. Man.” (Cooper).
Cultural Tourism
She and my Dad took us traveling this year to “conferences” and “meetings.” We have found that, to really know a culture, you need to know their candy[1]. When in Mexico, consider tasting some of the hot and spicy candy. Illuminating and delicious. When in Italy, try gelato, which like OJ, is not just for breakfast anymore. When in NY, first stop off at Dillon’s Candy Bar, a nuanced and wonderful destination, revealing more about the history and richness of Manhattan than the Statue of Liberty ever could.
From the very bottom of our hearts, we are thankful for the health we enjoy, the candy we eat, our loving au pair, Johanna, and you. Yes, you. We hope that your holidays are filled with great stories and lots of love!
[1] We often try to consume candy at our home but it’s all too frequently confiscated. Here’s what I recommend if you ever find yourself unlawfully deprived of candy: First, retreat into your room and close the door. This is a private time. Second, think angrily: How dare they take away your candy?! It is not for them. It is for you. Everyone knows that. Third, leave your room stealthily and just grab what you want and run. Life is too short. When you’re caught, return to your room and make a list of people who are unreasonable.